So a Gal I know in her mid 40’s jokingly(?) called me a “bum” for not volunteering for a while after I said I volunteered to help or lead in a weekend long Food Drive. The reason why I haven’t volunteered is I am in pre-leadership training and they wanted me to pause on volunteering. So I said back, jokingly, smiling “just being biker trash”. This is AFTER she knows I’ve been driving my Harley a lot lately and has NOTHING to do with volunteering… I was trying to say something witty and funny and said instead of just chuckling at her bum comment!
Well, she took it as a stab at her (she doesn’t even have a bike, but gets rides on occasion I think). She asked if I was calling her biker trash and I said “nooooo it’s a joke my friends use all the time” right away. She walked off.
She calls me 30 minutes later and starts railing on me like she was on a mission to slam me! I said over and over it’s a joke statement a bunch of my friends used for the past 10-12 years and I was joking about me. I was calmly insistant and offered names & phone numbers to call to verify it is said jokingly all of the time!!
She of course did not want me to take me up on my proof. She tried saying another incorrect statement about me and I immediately said “Call him, Ask him”. She won’t do that either.
We did kinda like each other, have a ton of chemistry, but too many life differences for it to ever begin to think that it would work. I suspect this may have a lot something to do with it… She thought I said it because she is not going out with me but that is untrue! I even wrote in the e-mail that I have not been thinking about it & I asked someone out who said yes anyway.
I apologized over and over, saying the truth over and over but she kept building it up to hanging up on me.
So I e-mailed her and laid all of it out in writing. Ended it with “Even though truly in my heart I did not mean absolutely anything….”
So, why do some Women incorrectly launch a wrath on a guy being sincere…?
I’ve ran into similarities like this before. When someone hears a joke statement for years and uses it with someone, why does that person hold it against them?
How was I suppose to know it may mean something totally different to someone else when every time I hear it it’s in fun?
Perhaps she was looking for some slip-up from me to “slam the door” on something that even isn’t even there…?
Or what?
“IF” we talk, what do I say?
Geez.
Ohhhhh Tim, where do I start, well I can totally see your point of view & I can totally see hers too, albeit hers is a tad drama queenish. Seriously some people just cannot take a joke, & thats not just limited to women. Anyways just give her some space, forget about trying to apologise any further & just let her get over it. If she doesn’t get over it & can’t see that it really was only a joke then who really wants a friend like that anyway?!?!?
By: mimioso on July 7, 2008
at 1:19 pm
I only got 4 hours sleep thinking about it – and I have to drive 11 hours today. Great.
She is a “total” drama queen. Overly dramatic. She is the only one I know that criticises most everything I say. What’s up with that?
It was light-hearted joking around, as it was with everyone I know, all great bikers that are close friends uses it! There’s 7-8 of us that joke with it, I mentioned to get a pen & paper to write down numbers of everyone to call and verify. She refused! It always comes with a laugh, except her. Like I mentioned, without explaining a long story, she’s probably looking for some thing to sever any emotional tie to me, so it doesn’t linger.
By: Tim on July 7, 2008
at 4:16 pm
Some people can’t just take a joke from real thing. So just let it be. Just smile I know once she gets back to her senses, she will soon be back and say sorry to you.
By: equilibrium2008 on July 16, 2008
at 11:07 am
I can see how she took it wrong. But that’s not the real problem here. The question is why were you apologizing to her, that’s was what you were trying to say to her in the biker trash joke. You don’t owe her any kind of apology for doing what you have to do. Now beyond that you botched the joke, So F-ing what. If she did not like it, F-her. Who cares. We all make mistakes, so now she has taken this as a green light to stomp all over you and take a big fat krap on your head. If you let a woman do this to you they will lose all respect for you. Were you thinking about getting somewhere with her, forget it, it’s never ever going to happen. If you put her in her place early on it would be a very different story perhaps, but it is way too late now. Sorry guy to be the bad news bear but the good news is if you get this you will cut your losses and find a better girl. I think it will take some time for you to learn how to handle women but you can do it.
Google this “laddertheory” a general purpose guide to how chicks rate guys.
Google “steelballspress” watch the stuff on u-tube and get his books, great info.
By: Cody on July 28, 2008
at 12:37 pm